and again.. i realli duno wat is happening.. i am not supposed to get deeply involved but i cant do aniting to avoid it. i tell myself that no.. i cant fall for you. i keep telling myself that i cant feel that we are tgt even if we are... coz when i tell myslef that we are tgt.. i will expect alot of thing.. i will put my hope so high.. but in the end. i get nth.. and the very hope that i put everything crashes jus lik that. this is me.. this is my life. i keep tellin lies to my mind.. so that i wont have even the slighest feeling of having u close to me.. butbut.. i jus cant do it.. i dun have the strenght to do wat i wanted to .. i jus hate myslef. i hate myslef alot. and now.. this feeling of emptiness. its jus... i really duno how to explain this.. arh... i hate myself.. this feeling is hurting me. confusion after confusion are hitting me.. reality slaps after reality slap... maybe u should do wat my fren say... WAKE UP.. me n him can never be tgt... wake up fikri wake up fikri... this is doin nth for ur life. arhhhh.... shit...shit...shit... i jus hate me.... why couldnt i be lik normal.. why could i not thnk the way other guy think... wont that be easier... jus get a gurl and be happi wif it.. but no... for some reason that i dun even know... i chose to be lik this... arhhh... this is the werst year of my entire life.... I HATE ME....
