FOREVER ALONE ON THIS EARTH....
i really do not know wat to think or feel this
few mths. its lik wat ever i do i feel that nobody is there animre.
i feel so out of place.. its is as though i dun belong aniwhere. it is as though
i have entered a different world. i jus wake up one day and my life was never the same.
i am not feeling wat i used to feel. i am not doin wat i used to do.
things have gone from bad to worst.
being happi is never me again. happi?? is that
even in my dictionary. i do not know. i guess not. i wrote once before that
happinest is jus a guest to my hse. its come... and leave... leaving behind a footsteps of
sadness. even now... i dun feel wat i want to feel. that sadness... that fucked up sadness keep
playing back and forth in the back of my mind. i cant keep it out.. i cant throw it away.
sadness... doubled up with loneliness... that is all i ever feel. to those hu knows me and read my blog...
say not that u know how i feel. coz u will never know this feeling. this loneliness that kill u deep inside. suck up all ur happiness... and bring forth anger, depression and unhappiness.. well...
dun tell me that u know. coz u will never know.. dun try to help me... i dun want to start depending on sumone or anyone animre. even if i fall deep into the pit i dug..help me not wif rope and ladders. coz they are nt long enuf to help he get out. i do not want to giv myself hope to survival, love and feeling happi...
the higher i hope.. the greater ill fall. the higher i put all that i believe in into somthing... the greater it will disappoint me. so do not giv me hope. do not say u will help. coz i know that it cant be helped. unless... u r certainly sure that u can help me. unless u have the faith and strenght to follow me in wat i do. unless u have the strenght to run after me when i run. unless ur hand can wipe the tears frm my face. unless ur touched are not of pity but of sincerity... this is the life i am living now. THIS IS THE REALITY OF MY LIFE... the REALITY WHICH I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SHUN AWAY.... and now... this guy... this stupid guy.. this fucked up guy... WILL TAKE THAT REALITY... and will shun away all thought of happiness.
